Overcoming Ones Fears

When you hear the word missionary what words come to mind? Perhaps ambassador, courageous, strong, self-sacrificing. We Christians are all called to be Christ’s ambassadors and bear witness to Jesus who loved us sacrificially and perfectly. We all do fail though; we aren’t perfect and yet in trying to live out one’s faith there is joy. There is unspeakable joy in being a part of what God is doing to speak life into the lost, to redeem those who may be out of reach for many and to be able to truly be Jesus’ hands and feet. I want to share with you about a recent day when our family was eating out in a nearby mall as told by my wife.

We were eating at a food court with a couple nearby staring at our family and our kids while they ate. My husband and the kids finished first, so he took the kids down to the department store floor that has toys. I don’t know when that couple left, but once they did a lady came and sat at their table. I saw a whole process unroll before my eyes. Their table was all yucky and nobody had come to clean it. So, I thought the lady would is going to call a someone over to clean the table since she sat at this dirty one. She didn’t do that.

foodI saw her at that table move closer in front of all the leftover food. She just moved a bit at a time, inching over and didn’t do anything and I was still eating. Then I noticed her just pick up a pair of used chopsticks, and put it down and picked up another pair that had been used and started eating.

That shocked me! From that moment on, I couldn’t keep my eyes on her anymore. I was just eating with my eyes down and it broke my heart. You see, my heart really was getting hardened in the days before because of my grumpiness and that sort of thing. However, at that moment I felt my heart get softer. It really broke my heart to see this. She started eating, she had leftover Mao Cai (A mixed dish that is always eaten hot) and these were cold noodles. She started putting the juice from one dish over the cold noodles to warm them up as she ate.

In my mind, I am going through all these possibilities of what could do to help. I noticed that she was trying to be careful to make sure people didn’t notice she was eating the leftovers. I saw the process of how she moved and gradually got to that place and finally started eating.

I was thinking to myself, that if I give her some money that will definitely humiliate her but if I just drop the money there I wasn’t sure how it’d turn out. So, what did I do? I walked away. I didn’t know what to do and I even left the food court cash card by mistake on the table. I walked away and took the escalator. At that time I wondered what can I really do?

Suddenly, an idea pops into my mind that I could share the Gospel with her. I wondered why I had only thought of the practical side of just giving her money or something. So I took the escalator back and saw her. She was still eating there. I was nervous. Before I was very brave in meeting strangers and in sharing the gospel. But after my heart had been hardened for a long time I felt like I didn’t know how to talk to strangers anymore. I felt my heart was jumping like a rabbit, and did not have that experience for a long, long time.

I knew I had to go share with her and I had a breakthrough of doing that. I sat down across from her and she got so scared when I sat with her. This poor young lady had clothes that looked normal, but once you sat close you could see it wasn’t good quality. She was scared and nervous and she kept her head down. As I spoke to her she never picked up her head anymore, she just kept eating. I tried to talk to her and she kept saying, you talk to someone else, I don’t understand this. I don’t understand. I didn’t mention anything of what I saw her doing, but tried to just get straight to telling her about Jesus. I was there a pretty long time and she did finally look at me and put her head down.

I told her I just feel like I want to bless you, and gave her some money.

She said, no I can’t accept your money. I told her, “You know how I shared with you, this is what Jesus gave to me so I want to give it to you. I am going to put it down here and may God Bless you.”

She looked different at me after that. At first she said no, but then didn’t refuse anymore. I see her eyes and the picture of that women left a very big impression in my heart. There is still more that happened that night. My husband really believes that God used that to give me so much mercy in my heart. You see, I took the action and I saw my heart change. From that point He softened my heart and His Word’s started to go in my heart. I didn’t realize it immediately, but the weeks after that night there was a renewal going on in my heart and things were all around happier in our house.

Did that young lady believe? I am sure that lady didn’t believe from that one time, but I sowed the seeds and who knows what God will do with that!

When I think about what I am thankful for in these past months this is an amazing time that God used to draw me closer to his heart, to increase my boldness and to be able to have a greater appreciation for the life he has given us overseas.

By: Worker Serving in Asia